Forever Sleep

Somedays you can be in a room full of people..talking..laughing..yelling…except you hear nothing but the deafening silence…someone gives you a hug..and you cringe..you engage in conversation..but the truth is you really aren’t paying attention at all…you are numb..numb to the world around you…maybe another pill will make you feel better..but you dont swallow it like the rest of the world does…no..you grind it up..you want it to hit your system as fast as possible..so you snort it..maybe it wasn’t just one this time…no…maybe it was 2 or 3…maybe another drink will do the trick…all you want is the thoughts to go away…the thoughts of not being enough…not being loved..maybe another drunken night will cure your life troubles..you left your friends behind…like others left you…you go to a job..but spend your paycheck on quick fixes..and panty droppers… and for what..nothing…nothing in this world can fix what’s broken inside you..but still you grind up some more…snort another night away…drink until you cant feel…and do it again and again…and the next day you wake up..remembering nothing from the night before..how did u get home..who brought you home..it worked..you thought..it worked..you feel nothing..just confusion..and the voice in your head says to do it again…snort some more..have another bottle..forget…but this time..you forget to wake up..

1 thought on “Forever Sleep

  1. How very poignant! Raw and real. Suicide and addiction is often about numbing or stopping the hurt, rather than not wanting to live and love and care.

    Like

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