Thoughts..

I haven’t posted lately, and I am sure some of you are wondering why. I really don’t like to put my personal life out, but maybe someone reading this can relate and maybe has some words of encouragement that can help me get through whatever is going on with me.

I have lost my way. People look at me and see this happy, smiling, put together person but that is not always true. Sometimes I am just good at burying my emotions and getting through the day. I keep myself busy because I don’t really know what my life is supposed to be like. I have these crazy ideas, that could change the world, but I have no clue on how to make them happen, which leads me to giving up. It’s a cycle of never ending failures.

I have become so depressed and lonely that I’m learning to hate myself even more…its sickening. I need to find myself, yet I don’t know where I lost myself. I know the only person holding me back is me..but I don’t know what I need to do..I don’t know what my purpose in life is..I just want to bring happiness to others.

2 thoughts on “Thoughts..

  1. I haven’t been to your blog lately and I haven’t had a chance to catch up with you as I am recovering and catching up after a bout of summer flu. So sorry for my absence… What I am hearing seems to be the rumbling that arises when one tries to decide what they chose to be in life! For what it is worth, this is what I think. Use what helps and toss the rest.

    Purpose and passion arise from the choices we make and the refinement of our talents over time. I think most of us rumble with “what the hell am I doing here…” and hind sight is so much clearer than foresight. Sometimes it is one step forward and two steps back, other times it is three steps forward and only two steps back. Learning what you don’t want is progress. What I know for sure is, money doesn’t create satisfaction but it certainly prevents a lot of dissatisfaction. Getting financially stable (out of survival mode) is a basic requirement. I have had time without to nickels to rub together and time when money flowed easily. I like flowing better than having no nickels! What do you need to do to get stable in a way that leverages your desired next steps.

    Get into the sunshine, move your body in some healthy way, eat things that don’t poison your body, and know above all other things that you WILL get all of this figured out. Keep your chin up, your face forward and shoulders back. Some days you fake it, so do I, and so does everyone else. Give yourself a limited pity party occasionally to feel the feelings, then shake them off and put one foot in front of the other until you get where you want to go.

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  2. Nancy Schlesiger July 25, 2018 — 11:18 pm

    I believe that you DO bring happiness to others every day.  You are a dependable caregiver for people who need a little assistance in their everyday lives. You strive to improve your physical self by reducing nicotine and caffeine and to improve your inner self by reading the scriptures and “how to do it” books.  I call that being on the road to success in bringing happiness to others and to yourself!  I wonder if the feeling you describe may be a little like the marathon runner who “hits the wall?” I’m not a runner, but I think the strategy when a runner hits the wall is to continue running the race and stay focused on the goal.  I love how Saint Paul says that the reward will go to those who FINISH the race (not to those who WIN the race).  Those words give a slow and steady person like me some hope! Praying that you will find your way and finish this race.

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