Good days

I have good days. I have really good days. I just like anyone else have those days where things are..good. I have days where waking up doesn’t feel like a chore, and I have something to be happy about. Lately though, it’s as if waking up is the hardest thing to do. I don’t know if it’s because I feel as if I am stuck, bored with my life and miserable, or if it’s because I know I am meant for so much more and just don’t know what it is or how to get there. I don’t know if it’s because I am lost in this world that has so much direction, or if it’s because I have become okay with being just okay. Being okay never sounded bad, but now, living an okay life has me more stressed out than I have ever been. I don’t think I have ever been more tired than I am now. Tired of being tired. Tired of being less than. Tired of being lost and depressed. Tired of being tired of being tired.

I wish there was a Siri in life. Not someone with an opinion, but someone who knew specifically the answer to the personal life questions you have. Someone who knew what you needed at this exact moment, because I could use that right about now. Most people have dreams and hobbies and friends and whatever else they ramble on about when you’re barely listening. You’re to focused on the constant cry for help inside your own head that you forget your best friend just told you he was getting married. You forget that you made plans. You forget everything else focusing on everything negative. It becomes a scary place. At this point I would ask Siri how to silent those screams. Her response would probably be to turn the music louder, as that would be just my luck.

I have good days. I have really good days. I just like anyone else have those days where things are…good. Sometimes though, good….just isn’t good enough.

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